my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
