At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
