His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
