well I can't set my house on fire every night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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