there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
