About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
