oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
