I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
