HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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