i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
