I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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