I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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