I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
