Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize