I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
