why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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