I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
