4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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