Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
