Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
