Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
