I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
