No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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