I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
