we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I intend to get homeless drunk
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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