she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
