youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
