JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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