he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
