Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
