I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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