shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
