I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
