No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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