I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
