So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
