We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
