I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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