OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
