You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
