I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
