I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
