I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
