Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
