She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
