Come see our sink grown plant.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
