Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
