Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
