Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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