There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
