When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
my poor anus
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
