let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
