I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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