Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
