ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
