Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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