You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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