you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
