I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I lost the right to judge tonight
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize