I'm so fucking centered right now
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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