Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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