You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
