I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
