We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
