Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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