I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
