the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
