If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
