Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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