I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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