shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
