What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
