whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
