a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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