If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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