I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
