She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
