just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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