I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
