Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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